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I'm not really sure when it happened. Things kind of built up. Then one day I woke up with no beliefs, no patterns, no form, no format, no style, no system, no path, no floor, no ceiling, and no concern over losing all these pointers. I don't want to know the secrets of anything, or the true way according to anyone. I am not interested in those things anymore. And that's not because I read somewhere that letting all that go is a better way. Following someone's suggestion to that end would just be another "way". No, this is sincere. At another time in my life this would have been unsettling. Now it just feels right. But as I said above, I am still searching. But what I am searching for now is so deep within and personal that anyone else's experience is unrelated and irrelevant at best. The search now is not a means to an end, the search itself is the end. In fact it's not really a search so much as it is a process of remembering and moving on, of experience, of breathing, of living life without any structure, beliefs, requirements, disciplines, forms. My own mind is Buddha; every breath is Dharma; all sentient beings compose Sangha.