Blog Posts - Rodney J Owen

Waiting

10/24/2020

I sit and read on a Saturday night, alone. My eyes gathering in the words of a madman written nearly sixty years ago. In the background, the Rolling Stones play the soundtrack of my life--also some sixty-odd years. One of the songs announces that time doesn't wait for us. As I hear this, I read Kerouac's thoughts as he sits alone in a fire tower on Desolation Peak dreaming of being in the company of others, getting drunk with friends, eating out and bumming around. Which is nothing more or less than daydreams because he is, as noted, stuck in a fire tower, alone.

I am reminded of military assignments where time seemed to drag and all I could think of was what I would do once I got back to the world. I know the feeling Jack is describing. I also know the existential truth that Mick is carrying on about in the background. We all know these things and COVID has made them all the more cogent. Being alone has the same effect. As we are forced to deal with our temporal restraints and physical restrictions, we accordingly come face-to-face with the limits of our mental creations and physical distractions. Wherever we are is where we are doing whatever it is we are doing, even if it's nothing. The option to engage in distractions and entertainment is not on the table.

As I have noted before, I don't think this is all bad. This is an opportunity for growth, perhaps a blessing even. We just need to read between the lines and breathe.

Time

10/15/2020

In the mid-sixties, Jack Kerouac foretold "the ghostly day when industrial America shall be abandoned and left to rust in one long Sunday Afternoon of oblivion (Desolation Angels, pp34)." It has been obvious for some time that day has long arrived. Oh, there's still an industrial America, it's just not the one we grew up with, not the one that laid all the post WWII foundations of prosperity and growth that we have only tossed aside like empty soda cans along pre-interstate surface roads before polluting was thing. No, the industrial America of this day is a corporate monster fed and maintained with what should have been worker pensions and pride of workmanship, but instead is bottom-lines and gentrified gambling. The rust is there for all to see, the deterioration not so much in falling beams and cracking foundations, but in no foundations whatsoever and growth beyond anything any so-called beams could ever contain.

To paraphrase Jim Dandy Mangrum, who crudely paraphrased Nietzsche, who was likely paraphrasing some apocrypha: by striving to become stronger, we ended up being the monster. We seem to always find a way to soil our nest, whether that nest is our government, our industries, or our literal nest, the planet. And then we either ignore it or blame it on someone else. In the meantime, we have lost touch with a definition of work that isn't pejorative. There are few left who understand, really understand, craftsmanship, customer service, service with a smile, hell, service period. So what then?

To not be the monster means to either slay the monster or to live where the monster doesn't. And slaying the monster only makes us yet another monster of a different mind. But perhaps we can live without the monster right here in the monster's midst. Maybe we can just ignore the damn thing and carry on. I feel sure the monster is right clever, its traps are well-set and hidden in plain sight. I propose we tell the monster to go to hell, that we live like it was 1963 and all that is missing is the sunrise, or ice cream. At least we can enjoy the ride.

Listen

10/14/2020

The proper definition of apocalypse is that of an unveiling, a disclosure or revelation of great knowledge. There are those who might call our current pandemic as an apocalypse so as to blow it out of proportion, as if to say it is the beginning of the end. And maybe it is. Either way, I feel certain we can see it as an unveiling, or at least a major part of an unveiling.

We are discovering that we maybe we don't need all the distractions, all the various covers we use to define ourselves, all the senseless activity that often serves as nothing more than a vehicle for the burning of hours and days in order that we aren't left face-to-face with our true selves. We are instead finding something that has been here all along--emptiness, the Void in all it's vacuous reality.

They are saying there's no going back to 'normal', whatever that means. I suppose there are those whose lives haven't been altered at all, but I doubt they are many. As for myself, the further we get from normal the less I miss it. I am finding something personal in the loneliness, something familiar in the fact of time, something reassuring in the uncertainty. I have to say, this is the strangest time I have ever encountered.

I have a feeling that we, or at least some of us, will actually progress in the seeming regression. I think time to sort things out, to re-prioritize, to scuttle what no longer serves us and remember, and indeed again live, simpler lives is truly a blessing in the midst of suffering and upheaval.

I don't mean to downplay the severity of the situation or to ignore the very real pain and suffering it causes. I am only acknowledging other aspects of this situation. I think some of these changes are long overdue but would have occurred with or without COVID. This just happens to be the catalyst, the ignition of unveiling so to speak. Something in all of this is speaking to us. Listen

In the Land of Guitar Gods

10/8/2020

So, just the other day, Eddie Van Halen died. I was never a big fan of the band, outside of a couple of albums, but I really appreciated EVH. In fact, I don't think I know any serious fan of rock and roll from my generation (1970s) who didn't.

I can still remember being a senior in High School, 1978, and a drummer friend of mine asked me if I had heard of Van Halen, as his band was doing their version of an old Kinks song. At that time I hadn't. So I bought the first album and was quite impressed. They were for a short period of time (that first album, actually) a part of the new wave of late-70s hard rock/metal, along with AC-DC, Motorhead, The Scorpions, etc... But beyond that, there just wasn't any music at that time that sounded like "Atomic Punk", "Ain't Talkin' 'bout Love", and of course, "Eruption"--Oh My God, Garth.

Over time they left their metal roots and fulfilled the destiny of all or most LA bands, bright lights, swimming pools and movie stars, rather than hot rods and punk decadence. In my opinion they became another 80s pop band, albeit with an awesome guitarist. Over the years they did return a couple of times to those blazing roots, notably the "Mean Street" and "Diver Down" albums, at least to some degree. But I have always thought they would have been a completely different band had they followed in the style of that first album, but alas... I suppose that was not what they wanted, and they were awfully successful anyway.

In the meantime, Eddie was one of the few real innovators of rock guitar. Nobody sounded like that before he came along, and no one has really topped him since. I give him all the credit he deserves and appreciate being alive in his era. If you never have, or even if it's been a while, take a listen--a real listen--to that first album. Listen to it in light of it's place in history. 1978 was a change year for rock and roll. People were losing interest in the music that had defined the generation, with the exception of the above noted behind the scenes new metal bands. Van halen abandoned that track, but this album is steeped in it. It is awesome and unique in history, that of rock and roll in general and Van Halen in particular. RIP, EVH.

Auspicious Beginnings

9/20/2020

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On September 19, 1920, a young Swami Yogananda (later known as Paramahansa Yogananda) first set foot on American soil, having traveled from his native India on "The City of Sparta." He would come to be regarded as "the father of Yoga in the West." The Boston Globe reported on the steamerâ€™s arrival in Boston Harbor, noting that Yogananda "has come to this country to attend a religious conference in Boston and later plans to make a lecturing tour through the country."

A post shared by SRF Yogananda (@selfrealizationfellowship) on Sep 19, 2020 at 6:00am PDT

100 years ago, September 19, 1920, my paramguru (my teacher's teacher), Paramahansa Yogananda arrived in the US. He was not the first yoga teacher from India to travel to and lecture in the US, but he was the first to make his home here, to actively propagate the teachings of yoga in the United States. And that has made all the difference for so many people. Indeed, I would argue it has made a difference for many people who don't even realize it, as teachings don't belong to any individual, they belong to us all. Teachings escape their trappings and infiltrate all aspects of their host society. As I have been following these teachings for many years, I feel I can see not only how that happens but can witness countless aspects of it in our current worldview.

I am not, nor ever have been a member of SRF, but I have been a disciple of one of Yogananda's ordained teachers and have integrated Kriya Yoga into my life to the point that I don't really consider it a path or a teaching anymore. It's how I live my life. And I think that is ultimately the idea of this and similar teachings. My approach to this is that we should look at the teaching, practice it if it resonates, find what is important to us, if anything, and integrate it. At that point it is no longer about the teacher, the lineage, the philosophy, or anything of that nature. It is about the quality of life.

The root word of Kriya is action. Hence, Kriya Yoga is about right action. It's not about beliefs or concepts, it's not about religion and ritual, it's not about outward modes of expression. It's about this moment and the next, how we live this life, which only happens in the moment and is best expressed spontaneously, devoid of concept and belief. In other words, life is lived to the fullest when we flow with the flow, change with the change, and live life to the fullest. Beyond the mysticism attributed to Yogananda, beyond the beads and robes, beyond his vital and impressive lineage, beyond all the superficial things, including the man himself, this what he most wanted to impress upon the country he adopted. Live life to the fullest, starting right now.

Present Presence

9/15/2020

To be present is arguably the best thing. And it is really the easiest thing. And the hardest thing. Until it isn't, then we find it is the easiest thing after all. But that is not something anyone can tell you. Which means I'm not really telling anyone either, I'm just putting words on the page. I'm not implying there is no one there to tell. I'll leave the nihilism to Nietzsche and the Neo-Advaitists. My point is I'm not trying to persuade anyone, just stating a fact. To understand that presence is the best thing and the easiest thing, one has to practice it.

I'm inclined to think that presence is the key to the Kingdom, so to speak. At this point I'm thinking enlightenment, at least as it is presented, is a pipe dream, an ever out-of-reach pipe dream that keeps one in a state of desire for the unattainable. Further, life after death, reincarnation, etc... are equally pipe dreams because no one has gone there and come back to tell all the rest of us what it is like. All such associated ideas are concepts and concepts are unattainable because, well, they are only conceptual. But presence is available now, right now. And the more one practices it the easier it becomes to acknowledge it and abide. For me, the more I practice presence the deeper the experience of presence becomes, to the point that it is possible to see all of life in a different light.

None of this is revolutionary. Yet the direct experience of the depth of being aware of being aware is truly profound. It has opened up the possibility of a much simpler and organic life experience for me. And while I still maintain an interest in some of the practices I have utilized over the years, I no longer see them as essential to waking up or anything else for that matter. They are no more profound or supermundane than riding a bicycle or taking a nap. Mentally separating anything we do from the rest of life is a large mistake. In fact it can't really be done except in your mind, and all that does is cause more confusion or what the Buddhists call dukha.

In short, we can live life to the fullest right now, today. We don't need to go to a monastery, on retreat, learn yoga, or sit at the feet of the next silk-pajama-guru. All we need do is be present to being present and let all the small stuff go. And as they say, it's all small stuff.

Inspiration

8/23/2020

I have started a suggested reading list a couple of times only to realize, or rather admit, that such a thing is extremely presumptuous. I have no reason nor authority to recommend anything. However, being a lover of good books, I thought I would share some of my most inspiring favorites, in no particular order, for the sake of discussion.

The Razor's Edge by W. Somerset Maughm
The Teachings of Don Juan, A Yaqui Way of Knowledge by Carlos Castenada
Autobiography of a Yogi by Paramahansa Yogananda
Hells Angels by Hunter S. Thompson
The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran
Sand Pebbles by Richard McKenna
Taijiquan: The Art of Nurturing, The Science of Power by Yang Yang
Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert Pirsig
Walden and Civil Disobedience by Henry David Thoreau
Discover the Power Within You by Eric Butterworth
Moby Dick by Herman Melville
Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldgerg
Ella Minnow Pea by Mark Dunn
The Infinite Way by Joel Goldsmith

This is of course not comprehensive. One could go on forever with this. These are a few of the books that have had the most impact on me. In fact, I can hardly imagine life without having read these. As noted, this isn't a suggestion of any sort, just a sorting of inspiration.

Mirror Dreams

8/19/2020

When the "individual seeker" understands that he, the individual, is not the seeker, that the only seeker is God, or Consciousness, then the seeking stops. When there is total acceptance, then the seeking stops. This is the understanding. This is what the seeking is all about. The seeking is to understand that there never was a seeker.
⎯⎯ Ramesh S. Balsekar

Sometimes you run across something that speaks your mind, and you never even knew it existed ten seconds earlier. Such is The Way.

"Our" Path

8/13/2020

Some time back I was having a difficult time after losing people close to me in this life. I knew I was having a difficult time but didn't quite know what to do about it other than put one foot in front of the other and get through it, assuming there was a thing as "through it." None of my training or spiritual practices offered more than temporary relief. I knew all the words, all the moves, all the theories on suffering and thought quality, all the practices. Still, I was in funk, plain and simple. In the middle of all this, with no end in sight to my mind, I went to a Kung Fu workshop with a high-quality teacher from overseas. She had just left a Buddhist Monastery where she did a short retreat before continuing on her U.S. training schedule. She was telling us about her experiences among these Chan Buddhists, and how they kept to a regular schedule of meditation, work, etc... And then she said something that hit me a like a bolt of lightning: "Our way is not like theirs.", meaning the path of a martial artist is not the same as that of a monk.

At that very moment my funk lifted. I can't explain it for the life of me, and in fact haven't really tried. It's not like what she said was auspicious new knowledge that I haven't heard before. I know that. I knew that then. In any case, I had a Satori moment and haven't looked back. What I think happened was it reminded me of my own unique path, a path that was as different from hers as hers was from the monks she had just sat with. But at the same time, we had a lot of commonality in that our way is Budo, Wushu; the way of the warrior. Again, I knew that but something about the moment, all the elements in my life coming together at just the right time so that when she said it, I was ready to remember and engage.

Upon reflection the most important aspect of that epiphany is not that my path is martial or not, or that I know and/or practice this, that, or the other thing. Those aspects are complimentary. What is crucial is the immediate realization that my path was mine and it was and is, unique. In fact, not long after that training session I made some moves and changes that have made a tremendous difference to me in so many ways. Maybe the time was right, or maybe I felt I was free to do whatever suited me, to follow my inner voice and not that of some tradition.

So, this is where it gets tricky. Tradition, and traditional paths are a great way to break out of mundane existence and get to know oneself and exceed the limitations placed on us by families, culture, and ourselves. However, tradition and organized anything have built-in limitations for those who follow. That is without exception. All groups eventually aim for normalizing. They eventually would like everyone in the group to think, act, and believe in the same way. This is where I start to have problems because these trends--which are in all groups to some degree without exception--limit creativity and self-growth.

The statement "our way is not like theirs" is crucial here, because there is no "our way". So of course it "isn't like theirs." In the odd and beautiful way that humans act socially, if we are bold enough to follow our own inner voice and not that of others around us, we begin to find that we have something in common with everyone. By not looking for exclusivity in small groups we find commonality with the largest group of all--everyone.

In his ground-breaking book, The Dao of Jeet Kun Do, Bruce Lee advised finding the best of different systems and utilizing them in your own unique system. While Lee is specifically talking about martial arts in this context, it applies to spirituality as well. Again, traditional paths are great. It can be a good thing to become a disciple in a traditional school of martial arts, spiritual practice, or some other artistic endeavor. But don't be afraid to leave the temple every now and then. And don't be afraid to utilize what you learn outside the temple gates. If your teacher tells you that his/her way is the best way, the only way, or that other ways are wrong, I suggest you turn around and run as fast as you can.

Every person is unique, no two are alike. The way we live should be just as unique. Find your way and make sure it isn't like theirs.

Adjustments

7/28/2020

I have had more time available for training during the COVID crisis and I have actually used it well. In general, my physical training modulates between strength training, Taiji-Qigong, and yoga. However, during the last 4-5 weeks I have focused more on strength training than I have in the past. So, obviously if I increase one thing something else will suffer. In this recent case that something has been my Taijiquan. I have stayed constant with my meditation and Qigong, but I have not put as much effort into Taiji form as I increased time spent on strength training--and it's starting to show. My Taiji feels clunky and double-weighted.

I'm not really worried per se. This is more observation than concern. I don't feel like I've lost something I may never retrieve. It's flow, and I'm basically not flowing as well as I can right now. But it's with good reason. This is in a way a confirmation of the importance of consistent focused training. And I can consider myself at a crossroads of sorts. If I continue my current trajectory I will gain more physical strength but compromise on agility and flow. Or, I can pickup my Taiji training and reduce my strength training back to a level consistent with where it has been for several years now. If I do that I will get back into the Taiji groove and continue my progress there, but won't likely see the gains in strength and muscle growth that I would get otherwise. I have to say in terms of overall fitness (fitness only), I'm not sure it matters much. However, I value my Taiji training and I know there is more to the practice than meets the eye.

I feel certain I will adjust my training schedule to allow for a balance that is more in keeping with my temperament and overall goals. Strength training is important for everyone. I just turned sixty this year, so it is especially important for me now. And I'm not going to scrap it. I'm just going to rearrange so that the balance is more like it has been for some time now. To that end, the benefits of Taiji are far more than strength, flow, and/or flexibility. Taijiquan, at least the way I have been trained and now practice is a holistic art that basically captures and nurtures what it means to live a full life. In short, if my Taiji is off, everything is off. And we just can't have that.